Andy Burnham

by Kirstyn Smith

Last year, the AQA was moved to withdraw her poem Education for Leisure from the GCSE English exam, due to its supposed insinuations of knife crime. Her unashamed relationship with fellow writer Jackie Kay was allegedly considered by Tony Blair to be too unconventional for Middle England. An emotional and forthright poet, Carol Ann Duffy seems to court contention more than most.

The latest stanza in her eventful comedy of errors allows her to maintain her offbeat characterisation: Duffy is set to become the first woman Poet Laureate. For months there has been neck-and-neck competition between Ms Duffy and West Yorkshire poet Simon Armitage, but a report yesterday announced that the UK government have made their final decision.

An official announcement on Thursday will confirm that Duffy will follow in the footsteps of Andrew Motion who held the post for ten years – the only poet thus far not to take on the position for life. Yesterday Motion praised his likely successor saying:

“I would be profoundly pleased if Carol was to take on the role as I think she would be magnificently good at it. She’s an absolutely wonderful writer and I think that because no woman has had the role, having Carol would give the whole thing a great glamour and appeal.”

This year a new means of choosing who would fill the post, implemented by Andy Burnham the culture secretary, allowed for the general public to assume a more involved role in the process. Poetry lovers were invited to vote for their favourites by writing to ministers, while other authors and scholars were also asked for their contributions.

However, the role may not be welcomed with entirely open arms as would ordinarily be assumed. Ten years ago, before Motion took on the role, Duffy was also a candidate. Yet, representatives at Downing Street vetoed her from the position, the reason allegedly being that Middle English society were not ready to embrace her openly homosexual lifestyle. At the time, Duffy was said to be deeply bruised at the rejection, declaring herself ”out of the picture” regarding any future considerations for the post. She later maintained that she would not have taken on the post anyway, angrily stating:

“I will not write a poem for Edward and Sophie. No self-respecting poet should have to.”

If Duffy was to change her mind about her views of the honour, it would be a turnaround to the fans who recognise her as a fearlessly controversial figure, unafraid to speak her mind. She hotly defended the removal of Education for Leisure from examinations, claiming it to be conducive to raising awareness of street crime. The poem contained lines such as:

Today I am going to kill something. Anything.

I have had enough of being ignored and today

I am going to play God. It is an ordinary day,

a sort of grey with boredom stirring in the streets

To counter the seeming overreaction to her poem, Duffy countered the decision to ban it by penning another poem, Mrs Schofield’s GCSE, in which knife-related incidents found in traditional GCSE fare, such as Shakespeare’s plays are highlighted:

Who said

Is this a dagger which I see? Which tragedy?

Whose blade was drawn which lead to Tybalt’s death?

By proving her point in such a waym she has garnered a number of supporters in her field. Poet and professor Robert Crawford describes her work as being “lively, lyrical, somewhat provocative, alert to poetry’s capacity even in the 21st century to have a significant public dimension.”

Saturday night’s losers: X Factor viewers

The tragic contestant of Saturday night's X Factor

Laura White: The tragic contestant of Saturday night

By Magnus Huntly-Grant & Euan Black

Furore continues over the eviction of Laura White from Saturday’s X-Factor programme.

The anger and revulsion felt across the nation is just a natural response to the long line of televisual aberations which lead the discerning viewer to question the integrity of those on the other side of the camera. Brand and Ross, vote fixing, where will it end? the only problem is that the country’s viewers are not unitised, the only protest we can profer is simply not watching. But, really, not watch X-Factor? Too ridiculous for words.

In times of crises such as these people need a finger to point, someone to blame for a twist so cruel. Poor Cheryl Cole was too angry for words. Cries of ‘Fix’ and various conspiracy speculation abound. Laura’s rumoured dalliance with one of the shows executives, Matthew Firsht, possibly callled into question as a potential motive for her untimely offing.

But maybe things are more straight forward than that, maybe the scam is no secret, calls of a fix are

Cheryl during happier times

probably erroneous, after all, the votes are regulated by external bodies and Cowell et al understand that the public will to some extent make the next X-Factor elect someone who’s records they will buy but the eviction format provides a framework by which Cowell does retain the ultimate editorial veto. In this case the expedient move for him was to get rid of Laura, and no one dares question the marketing genius of Simon Cowell. except that in this case they do.

Proliferated by every imaginable form of media; blogs, forums, news and now it has rightly permeated our government, as Andy Burnham, the Culture Secretary, said in a discussion about the television during commons question time this week: “MP’s should resist that temptation to comment on editorial matters”

And then confusingly: “Although, the temptation is great in my case, having seen the wonderful and talented Laura White very harshly voted off X-Factor on Saturday.”

But most confusing of all was his negligence in forgetting to call for a parliamentry enquiry.

As enlightened viewers, you may feel like taking up the cause, in which case follow this link to sign the petition for her re-instatement. Sitting at a mere 14000 signatures at time of writing.

The performance, now being hailed as possibly the greatest performance by any living creature EVER, arguably lacked credibility in itself. Laura proudly explained that she would be playing piano and so she duly did but halfway through the song she stood up and the piano miraculously continued of its own volition.

Ultimately, sad piano music and ear jerking back stories may invoke viewers to vote in droves but wont necessarily sell records and if you are willing to participate in the utterly tasteless charade which allows for otherwise right thinking people (in most cases) to peddle the death of loved ones in the interests of buying that most valuable commodity – the tragic human interest cause, then how can you expect the people behind the format to have anyone else but their own best interests at heart. It also raises the question of how many people come through the X-Factor car wash unscathed.

If there was ever any doubt that of the proliferation of vacuous and pointless media, it is contained herein – The Laura White TRAGEDY – as the encyclopaedic mind of Goodwin69, the syntax challenged wordsmith of the ITV.com forum, reminds us: ” I am disgusted at what happened last night laura was miles better than ruth ive been a fan since it sarted ive been to all the tours but not any more simon voted ruth out for one reason only which is so unfair.”